Broken hearted...

We have checked with several different agency's to see if there was any possibility for us to adopt from China again.   Madison said our best bet would be to wait for several years and then try.  CHI said that they would not try now, basically wait for a while.   BAAS said that after I have been cancer free for THREE years they would check into it.  I will be 2 years cancer free April 19, 2015.  Then we contacted Lifeline.  I had heard that Lifeline had been successful in helping families who have dissolved an adoption here in the USA adopt from China again.   Well, it is not going to happen for us now.   The C3WA told them that right now is not a good time.   But they did not give us a time limit.  Now is not a good time...so in 6 months?  A year?  Two years?   Lifeline is going to ask that question for us and they are also going to tell the C3WA that the child we dissolved has been legally adopted here in the USA by a family who love her very much!

The Lifeline person agrees with me.   If you disrupt your adoption in China and leave the child there you CAN go back and adopt again.  That is SO DUMB!!   Okay...I felt that God had put me in her life for a reason and that reason was NOT to leave her in China!   I knew that I had been given the task to bring her home and if we could not be the family that could help her, we would find the best family we could for her.  And we DID.   They have her enrolled in many things that their state pays for because of her mental disabilities.   She has a para at school to help her.   She has a family who has been down this road with another family member.   They know EXACTLY what they are doing and they love her very much!   They have legally adopted her...I could not see leaving her in China!   She would have never received the care and training that she needs there.  She probably would have been shuffled off to who knows where when she was older.   Most orphans are moved out of the orphanage when they are anywhere from 16 to 21 years old.   Hopefully by that time they have learned a trade but I don't think there would be anything for a person with mental disabilities to do?! God forbid that they would teach her massage and put her on the street to be a hooker!

For instance, this girl will turn 14 in November.   After you reach the age of 14 in China you are no longer adoptable.   Hopefully this girl will be able to work at the orphanage.

She is at the same orphanage that the little girl we had Preapproval for in January 2013.   She is still waiting for a family too. :(   They are basically healthy children!!   I wish we could bring them home!!

I had been looking at waiting child lists and dreaming of bringing home one more.   There were many kids that would fit in our home.   But now I will have to put my dreams on the back burner.  Unless we find another country that we could adopt from. :)   Of course, we do not have the money to adopt at this time either.   I am still picking up only a few PRN hours here and there.   I hope that things pick up soon.   My immediate boss is taking over another department the first of October so maybe she will have more hours for the part time people and then I can pick up part time on the floor!!  Lord this would be something great!!

So this has been my "I am down in the dumps" post.  However I will leave you with news of ZoraLin's first volley ball game.   It was a home game against Wellsville.   Well Wellsville girls have had more practice then our girls have.   But our Chargers gave it their all and I was really proud of Zora and her time on the court.   Her teachers said that she had been pretty nervous all day.  Quite a few of the new players were nervous about their first game.   Now that the first game is over I hope the nerves get better for them.   We have a great bunch of girls playing and if they continue into high school we could have a great team!!   Go SFT!!

This has been such a tough time for me.   Yes, I know that I have five beautiful girls, but I can't get these other kids out of my mind!   There is NO life for them in China.   My dream was to have 6 daughters from China.   And I know we have enough love for at least one more!   Where is that cotton picking money tree when we need it?!  Kendalan asked me the other day what would we do if we won the lottery?   She started naming off things that she wanted us to do.  Like a bedroom for everyone, including the cats and dog!   More vacations!  Traveling more!  She is girl after my own heart!!   I told her it is nice to dream, but don't count on that lottery coming our way.   But wouldn't it be fun?!!   And so is she!   She is practicing dressing up like a nerd for Halloween.  She makes a pretty cute Nerd if I do say so myself!!