This is a plea for anyone who is approved for two children and haven't chosen their second. We have had to stop our adoption of the beautiful 10 year old who probably saved my life. How did she save my life? I had to have a brief physical for our home study update. The ARNP told me it had been a while since I had my mammogram and the office set up an appt. for me. Very soon after I received a call that there was a density on the mammo that they wanted to do an ultrasound on. That density was Triple Negative Breast Cancer. A biopsy was done to confirm and on April 19th I had a lumpectomy. This kind of cancer is very aggressive and it had grown from the time it was biopsied to when it was surgically removed. Thankfully my lymph nodes were benign! I started chemo this morning.
We adopted a 6 year old in November 2012. According to her referral and the updated reports and video we asked for she was on target developmentally for her age. I arrived in China to find that China had lied! She is a toddler in a 6 year old body. She has many more issues than we were told...many. We do not have the resources to take care of her. We have adopted five girls from China and we were prepared for delays, but not to the extreme she is. I traveled alone and called my husband right away. He contacted our agency and I was on Skype with our adoption coordinator for over an hour. Bottom line, I knew I couldn't leave her in China. We agreed to bring her home and have her evaluated. The doctors have told us many things. Possible Institutional Autism, Autism, and probably mental retardation. We are devastated. We tried our best until February when we contacted our agency again. They suggested respite care. Friends of ours called out of the blue to tell us that they have been praying about our family and our daughter and they can't get her out of their minds. They want to help. He does listen!!! The mom came and stayed with us for a long weekend and our daughter returned to the Portland area with her. They have two daughters from China, they are much younger than us and she is a stay at home mom!! PTL! We didn't realize how much stress our whole family was under until she was gone. Three of our daughter's grades had slipped from A's and B's to C's D's and one F! We missed her, but she was getting much more help that she needs.
Long story...I am sorry. We told our agency about my cancer and our daughter in respite and China told them a resounding NO they can not adopt from China again. There is a good chance if I had decided to leave her in China that we could have come home and applied for another child. I could not have lived with myself thinking about her not getting the help she needs. We are hopeful that she may eventually catch up. Our friends are going to adopt her.
I don't need grief about our decision. Our whole family has been devastated. I am advocating for the 10 year old who we will be releasing. She tested positive for syphilis as an infant and was treated with IV and intramuscular penicillin per protocol. According to her report she still tests a "weak" positive for syphilis. The infectious disease specialist we showed her char to says that is common and since she is showing no signs or symptoms of the disease she is okay. He thinks that their lab work could be wrong, because there is another little girl with the same diagnosis. Anyway he says that she will live a long healthy life and it shouldn't be a concern. If you are interested in this beautiful girl please contact me off FB at
christiev1 @yahoo.com Our agency is willing to release her file to someone's agency who wants to adopt her.
If you have read this far, thanks for listening. We are very blessed to have five beautiful daughters from China. We are super blessed to know who and where our sixth daughter is with. Our family has gone to the brink of H#ll and back and we are slowly healing. We have a daughter who we adopted from a disruption and she is a joy. We are true believers that He had a hand in this.
I will be cross posting this. Xin Hong Tuan DOB 1/15/2003 deserves a family!! Just wish it was ours! We will be adopting again possibly from a disruption. After six trips to China I have seen so much and learned so much about adoptions from there. Go expecting the worse and hope to be pleasantly surprised. I wish we had the resources to keep our child, but neither one of us have family or friends in our area who wanted to help us with her.
It is amazing the supportive messages I have received. Of course, with FB it is hard impossible to leave an anonymous message there!!
4 comments:
Aw...... I suspected something like this had happened. I am sorry for your loss (of the dream, really), but so incredibly happy that HE presented a solution so quickly. What an amzing turn of events.
Much love to the whole family!
I am so glad you have opened your blog again and your heart. I have thought of you often. No one can ever judge a family for decisions that they make as they have never walked in your shoes. EVER. Sending you love, hugs and positive thoughts.
Take care of yourself and get all the help that you need so that you can heal and recover fully.
My thanks to both of you lovely ladies. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and we have tried to think of everyone involved. We are all in our happy places now. No help from anonymous posters.
Sending you love and hugs. I understand about the lies, we brought home our 5 year old daughter this summer and she now has 5 more diagnoses that are long term and some life altering. There is no way that her orphanage was not aware of some of them. While in China, we even asked for an extension before finalizing her adoption because we were so scared. Like you, I couldn't leave her in China. Because of her medical issues, I have lost my job that I worked at for over 12 years and now struggle to pay her medical bills. I adore and love my daughter, but the struggles are difficult to say the least. I can say if the diagnoses were in her file, we would have never moved forward.
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